•Wednesday, May 06, 2009
So I find myself back in the routine of being a normal rat in the mill of life in Jozi - busy busy busy, it feels like I am never done and never get anywhere either because as soon as I get one thing done 15 comes in on the other side of my production line. I am not loving the people around me enough and when the moments come that I really have to pay attention I am exhausted and cannot focus!
Good things that happened is Mojo is back, my cat, I thought I lost her - WHAT a process and sending me to the dark corners of my soul feeling lost and lonely (see adventures of JK for pictures and other details around this fiasco).
With mothers day coming up of course I am sent into a spiral of questioning my own skills as a mother and the effectiveness rating that I give myself sucks naturally - one of the other shackles women carry once they have given birth.
My moments of bliss are coming more frequently than ever before in my 36 years on this planet as I let go of my own drive to be in control more effectively.... this is great news as I find myself in a better space more often and I am content with not getting every single thing on the tick list done purely because I trust the process more and feel that life will also take care of those little thingies that I in all my arrogance could not attend too.....I suppose it is all about trust and surrender and a sense of confidence and peace inside. And you know what somehow it all still happens.
I am on my way to Poland according to my boss to go work with some smart slide pack producing people over there - I heard this yesterday! I am in two minds about this trip coming up as I know it will be hard work, I'll have to leave my family for a while (3/4 days only but that is long for me) yet I do feel some excitement of seeing something new and experiencing a country and people that I have no reference field for - goodness who ever thought I will go to Poland of all places.......!
So now the day continues......and I pray that my kids will survive this rainy cold day and have fun as well as hopefully learn something of value at school ....I hate these rainy days in Jozi traffic somebody is bound to get hurt ....God please have mercy on our souls as we travel on the roads today!
Good things that happened is Mojo is back, my cat, I thought I lost her - WHAT a process and sending me to the dark corners of my soul feeling lost and lonely (see adventures of JK for pictures and other details around this fiasco).
With mothers day coming up of course I am sent into a spiral of questioning my own skills as a mother and the effectiveness rating that I give myself sucks naturally - one of the other shackles women carry once they have given birth.
My moments of bliss are coming more frequently than ever before in my 36 years on this planet as I let go of my own drive to be in control more effectively.... this is great news as I find myself in a better space more often and I am content with not getting every single thing on the tick list done purely because I trust the process more and feel that life will also take care of those little thingies that I in all my arrogance could not attend too.....I suppose it is all about trust and surrender and a sense of confidence and peace inside. And you know what somehow it all still happens.
I am on my way to Poland according to my boss to go work with some smart slide pack producing people over there - I heard this yesterday! I am in two minds about this trip coming up as I know it will be hard work, I'll have to leave my family for a while (3/4 days only but that is long for me) yet I do feel some excitement of seeing something new and experiencing a country and people that I have no reference field for - goodness who ever thought I will go to Poland of all places.......!
So now the day continues......and I pray that my kids will survive this rainy cold day and have fun as well as hopefully learn something of value at school ....I hate these rainy days in Jozi traffic somebody is bound to get hurt ....God please have mercy on our souls as we travel on the roads today!
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