So in light of Mothers day I have been thinking a lot about the challenge of parenthood and I realized while making food, cleaning the house and doing all the other fantastic, exciting jobs that goes with being a mother that it is probably one of the most soul challenging experience any human being can undergo....why? Well for me it puts me in places where I have to decide how mush sacrifice is just enough? When is the right moment to stop with the sacrifice as it is just ridiculous and not being appreciated and/or just bordering on martyrdom?And the my most favourite is the habits and behaviours that gets mirrored back to you by your kid that you did not even know exists within in you - ultimate moment is when you realized you have become JUST like your own mother (called subconscious mothering) and for the men it will be subconscious fathering - lovely these things that we are suppose to deal with! Favourite moment is when you see a being starting to shine thru that surprises you out of our own bracket! There is not a woman in the world that does not question her own mothering but for me I think it is just one of the most soul searching experiences I have ever encountered and it scares me shitless and often leaves me hating myself......I cannot talk about the responsibility and accountability as that is just why to scary and it is too early in the morning to go that deep!

So I am writing into my blog all my little arrogant and silent thoughts about life love and all the dark and white moments in between - it is something I have decided to do for my own process to document my thinking and really actually is "sommer" a diary but I have to ask for those that check in every now and again to please interact and make comments about what you read and experience when you have a look into my soul and my life - it will be "lekker" for me. Please?

My husband's "ouma" (grandmother) is currently staying with us and about 50% of my time has been consumed listening to her life stories and I love and hate these moments with her - she is 82 and shares the details of her hard and sometimes soul destroying stories with me while she is re-living them in her mind...what a journey....what a life...to witness how she is questioning and assimilating all the tales and 82 years of actions and non actions is such a learning for me..how she loved, how she hates and her own bitterness and resilience is just amazing! It kick starts of course my own processes for me in a dramatic way .......

So today I start by thinking about old people,young people and You people in between reading this story on the Internet........asking myself what the hell is this all about and I am doing this all while Zuma is probably planning yet another party to celebrate that he is finally president the Arsehole!!!!!!