So my body after years of neglect has decided to give me some serious signes of conking in - the girl has really taken a lot of abuse from me...last night I had some of the most painful moments in my life as I experienced the tooth ache from HELL....you really value stuff differently once you experience pain like that - you can actually right a whole book about what goes on in your mind when shots of pain moves through your body like that - the hole world stops spinning just for you and you are trapped in the moment with your body and the pain!

I have my dentist appointment tomorrow and this is another story that you can write a book about (I am sure some people have already done just that) or at least have been inspired by their dentist appointments to write books. The humiliation combined with the funny uncomfortable stings and sounds etc etc topped up by a feeling of vulnerability and exposure that must be under the top 5 of all normal silly experiences any human being has on this planet. Not a very talked about issue as I am sure most people rather want to forget about the dentist appointments they have had in their life!

I feel like I have a bit of an issue with my creative side and I have the suspicion that between my tooth ache + bladder infection and stress at work THAT side of me is on holiday being pushed away by too mush reality .....so needless to say I am just massaging the keyboard waiting for some inspiration - and it is NOT coming, so I am not going to board the computer, myself and YOU but rather say AS TA LA VISTA BABY until I am better.....thank you for listening anyway!

So I am out of fancy stuff now I quote ABBA for what it is worth to describe my absolute sensation of dispair regarding money in my life - I am sure there are many many people that are dealing with this little issue in their life in this year of 2009. It most certainly takes you to new levels within your own being that you did not know exist and it forces you to deal with issues that normal can comfortably lay dormant under the carpet in some back room in the great big world of your soul.

I have learned about minimalism like never before in my life over the last two weeks. Keeping a brave face and holding the line when all you want to do is run into the opposite direction away from the moment and whatever is in front of you!

Then I have moments where I read, see and hear of people that are really worse of than me that just has to deal with the fact that I have to count my pennies - I always think of the kids that has to face cold winter nights with hardly any protection from natures forces....I am really depressed and for the first time I think it is for the right reasons not because my ass is to big or my skin are not tight enough but because of hard facts of life , bottom line stuff to do with breathe, eat and you know what.....our consumer driven life has really brought us to a nasty place - but good as without this year we would have never been in a position to face up to our own greedy and selfish ways of living.

I do not pray enough but today I want to send a prayer way up high into the universe asking for mercy on our souls - and grace on our kids who suffer as a result of our unthoughtful actions.

On a lighter note I am seeing the first signs of this winter moving away - the sister really got to me this year in every way the cold was the final breaking point in my situation and mindset. I am so looking forward to summer I plan to suck up and stand still to catch every single ray of sunlight on my skin. I am going to abuse the pool and drink pinacolada's (if I have the money) until I just cannot anymore!

On an even lighter note my sister is in looovveee....I love that she is in love and I love LOVE it is so pretty and moving when it starts (she told me not to write about her in my blog) but it will take time for her to discover this little mentioning of her situation so I will use it and then deal with whatever she has to say when she does discover it - she is so in love I think it will be fine and she will be mush more lenient because of her state!

So now I will go and work for the biggest company in the world - selling black gold to needy consumers and greedy industries ......for all of us I hope every moment will bring us closer to what we need to know to live this life ...thank you for listening to all that I am.

Yes Yes Yes - thanks to my friend Claire and my husband prompting me to take my blog serious I have pulled myself out of bed this morning and decided to write something. I have gone places and have stayed at home over the last month and half. I have been ecstatically happy and depressingly sad and as usual have visited some very dark and very light places within my own SOUL, therefore the silence and the title of my current post!

Micheal have died the BOKS have done wonderful and very funny stuff and looks like they have been on the same type of journey I have been on. The winter is eating away at my SOUL and I am feeding myself in the front end with as mush food as I can, this of course is not good for my backend which is growing and being used for a lot of sitting in front of the gas heater.....so therefore I am ensuring the sister is padded well.I have visions of the summer coming and lifting my spirit and soul to a place where I feel inspired.

I am reading articles about people that believe time is moving faster and to some extend I agree bit there is something to say for age and experience which I believe my ripe 37 now allows me to talk about - with this reference you as an older person have the ability to freeze your own experience you have enough snapshots to refer back on and recognize all the different patterns - it might be new people and new surrounding but you recognize the repetition of it all and this creates the opportunity to freeze the moment at least for yourself - I dunno maybe I am losing it but I do get that feeling of slow motion and staring when I see the same thing happening over and over again in my life. I do believe this now creates an excellent opportunity to impact these moments as you go into what is called you power years from 35 - 50. I honestly believe NOW is the moment to make the difference, and I just hope I have the balls to do it!