Well well well everything comes to and end eventually - so did this horrible, horrific and terrible winter of 2009. The dolla in the north as mentioned before has finally let go and we have started our fantastic, exciting SPRING in SA .....I am so delighted that I cannot contain myself and frankly am not even going to try!

With the heat my brain is warmed up my body is ready to go (slow but she is getting there) and I feel wonderful! I am tired, overworked and still poor BUT NOTHING will get me down now because SUMMER is coming!

I am thinking about salads and fruit, swimming and tanning and having a pinacolada by the pool - these thoughts keeps me going the minute somebody bores me to death on negative stuff and the economy and the diesel prize and the hectic adverts for the SEX PO and mostly during boring meetings at work that endlessly turns into ego battles whilst no REAL work gets done.....

I feel more creative and there will be an explosion of activity as a result of this new vibe in my brain. All I can do now is thank mother nature for saving me her sunshine and her blue sky and giving me a new take on the same situations and same challenges...I will make the most of it and this summer will be one of my best ever I KNOW IT!

Hope the same goes for all of you guys and gals out there ......thank you for listening to all that I am ..

So I watched "sex in the city" recently 40 years after it's release - rather late than never is what I say - it was worth the wait as I was surprised that I actually enjoyed it! So here is my review, although after the fact BUT I have to make my opinion count you know! It was a nice mix of a good specimen of what I believe woman are like and how I experience aspects of myself - it is a little bit too "girlie" for my personal liking but "girliness" has it's place. I loved the fashion and did change my own approach to my own style after seeing it - mixing and matching more boldly and dressing more based on what I feel like than worried about whether it matches or if the colour coding is right - which is probably what "fashion" is really about in the centre of the storm yes!

There was a very explicit scene which I have to highlight out .... a man in a shower and a very short view of his pe*#s - in fact there was nothing short about the scene in fact after seeing that I will out of respect for him change my word substitute for the body part in question from king dingeling to church bell - something funny happens when you see a thing like that and I believe it completely works on the animal side of the beasts that we are - for women or myself rather I feel emotions somewhere between fear and admiration / turn on. But then the brain kicks in and I think well he cannot carry that around and be intelligent enough to string two sentences together as a result of being pre-occupied with the weight issue!

So I have resigned my job and will be starting a new phase in my life - my soul is going thru a lot of changes as usual but this time I have decided to take it one step up and am cleaning my entire act up as well - these moments are valid and need to be used well at the age of 37 (almost, only in October). I am excited and feel refreshed - hope that I can finally make that difference and impact I want to leave behind even more prominently.

Other than this I am sad that today is cold again - I have never wanted a winter to end the way I need this one to end and I think there must be some poor soul in the northern hemisphere that does not want her summer to end so we are having this battle in the collective conscious world that is prohibiting a shift of the seasons... I will win sister it just a matter of time!

World I love you - thank you for having me around and listening to me ....over and out!

So my body after years of neglect has decided to give me some serious signes of conking in - the girl has really taken a lot of abuse from me...last night I had some of the most painful moments in my life as I experienced the tooth ache from HELL....you really value stuff differently once you experience pain like that - you can actually right a whole book about what goes on in your mind when shots of pain moves through your body like that - the hole world stops spinning just for you and you are trapped in the moment with your body and the pain!

I have my dentist appointment tomorrow and this is another story that you can write a book about (I am sure some people have already done just that) or at least have been inspired by their dentist appointments to write books. The humiliation combined with the funny uncomfortable stings and sounds etc etc topped up by a feeling of vulnerability and exposure that must be under the top 5 of all normal silly experiences any human being has on this planet. Not a very talked about issue as I am sure most people rather want to forget about the dentist appointments they have had in their life!

I feel like I have a bit of an issue with my creative side and I have the suspicion that between my tooth ache + bladder infection and stress at work THAT side of me is on holiday being pushed away by too mush reality .....so needless to say I am just massaging the keyboard waiting for some inspiration - and it is NOT coming, so I am not going to board the computer, myself and YOU but rather say AS TA LA VISTA BABY until I am better.....thank you for listening anyway!

So I am out of fancy stuff now I quote ABBA for what it is worth to describe my absolute sensation of dispair regarding money in my life - I am sure there are many many people that are dealing with this little issue in their life in this year of 2009. It most certainly takes you to new levels within your own being that you did not know exist and it forces you to deal with issues that normal can comfortably lay dormant under the carpet in some back room in the great big world of your soul.

I have learned about minimalism like never before in my life over the last two weeks. Keeping a brave face and holding the line when all you want to do is run into the opposite direction away from the moment and whatever is in front of you!

Then I have moments where I read, see and hear of people that are really worse of than me that just has to deal with the fact that I have to count my pennies - I always think of the kids that has to face cold winter nights with hardly any protection from natures forces....I am really depressed and for the first time I think it is for the right reasons not because my ass is to big or my skin are not tight enough but because of hard facts of life , bottom line stuff to do with breathe, eat and you know what.....our consumer driven life has really brought us to a nasty place - but good as without this year we would have never been in a position to face up to our own greedy and selfish ways of living.

I do not pray enough but today I want to send a prayer way up high into the universe asking for mercy on our souls - and grace on our kids who suffer as a result of our unthoughtful actions.

On a lighter note I am seeing the first signs of this winter moving away - the sister really got to me this year in every way the cold was the final breaking point in my situation and mindset. I am so looking forward to summer I plan to suck up and stand still to catch every single ray of sunlight on my skin. I am going to abuse the pool and drink pinacolada's (if I have the money) until I just cannot anymore!

On an even lighter note my sister is in looovveee....I love that she is in love and I love LOVE it is so pretty and moving when it starts (she told me not to write about her in my blog) but it will take time for her to discover this little mentioning of her situation so I will use it and then deal with whatever she has to say when she does discover it - she is so in love I think it will be fine and she will be mush more lenient because of her state!

So now I will go and work for the biggest company in the world - selling black gold to needy consumers and greedy industries ......for all of us I hope every moment will bring us closer to what we need to know to live this life ...thank you for listening to all that I am.

Yes Yes Yes - thanks to my friend Claire and my husband prompting me to take my blog serious I have pulled myself out of bed this morning and decided to write something. I have gone places and have stayed at home over the last month and half. I have been ecstatically happy and depressingly sad and as usual have visited some very dark and very light places within my own SOUL, therefore the silence and the title of my current post!

Micheal have died the BOKS have done wonderful and very funny stuff and looks like they have been on the same type of journey I have been on. The winter is eating away at my SOUL and I am feeding myself in the front end with as mush food as I can, this of course is not good for my backend which is growing and being used for a lot of sitting in front of the gas heater.....so therefore I am ensuring the sister is padded well.I have visions of the summer coming and lifting my spirit and soul to a place where I feel inspired.

I am reading articles about people that believe time is moving faster and to some extend I agree bit there is something to say for age and experience which I believe my ripe 37 now allows me to talk about - with this reference you as an older person have the ability to freeze your own experience you have enough snapshots to refer back on and recognize all the different patterns - it might be new people and new surrounding but you recognize the repetition of it all and this creates the opportunity to freeze the moment at least for yourself - I dunno maybe I am losing it but I do get that feeling of slow motion and staring when I see the same thing happening over and over again in my life. I do believe this now creates an excellent opportunity to impact these moments as you go into what is called you power years from 35 - 50. I honestly believe NOW is the moment to make the difference, and I just hope I have the balls to do it!

Those of you watching CBeebies with you kids will know exactly what I am talking about, this tune has been going around in my head since the first time I heard it and I tell you it is not nice for me - anyway I have lost and found my own story about 79 times over the last week and 1/2 - therefore the silence on my blog - because there was too mush happening in my soul and I did not feel like bringing the whole world into my dark corner where I was trying to light up a fire with a broken lighter and wet wood ...

Lets start with some basics - ZUMA is doing well, and making some boxes green for a change, I love his Minister for Security or what ever whom I heard over the radio the other day making some hectic commitments of focusing on crime - his top being cash in transit robberies, hi-jacking, violent household robberies. You go Sir - bless you for finally wanting to work with the army and the local security companies to support the police - took you guys 14 years and a bit to figure that one out!

My next fantabulous moment while being busy with my new hairdo - thank goodness for that work in progress that has finally come into it's own - was a sms's from a company trying to sell stuff to me, asking me to unsubscribe to their mailing list by sending an sms at a charge of R3.00, have you ever seen such crap - now with mail in the olden days I use to just glance and chuck the stuff in the bin - now they want me to literally donate money to their crooked cause just in saying I do not want to part of their miserable way of making money! In principal of course I refuse to text back - and the story continues.....getting their sms's at the most horrific times and then trying to deal with the abuse with grace. Anyway at least my hair looks nice now, that is a good start!

Other fantastic moment over the last couple of days is dealing with people that does not have kids, all age groups these days have this condition, nothing wrong but I tell you their perspective is refreshing, still blaming their parents for all that went wrong mostly because they have not been a parent and obviously have no clue how mush mistakes parents make because it is so hard and the perfect action/answer or just energy escapes you at the most critical times and boom!!!your child has an issue for life - that they will talk about with their friends and lovers over the years to come.....then we are not even talking about the fairy fantasy that most girls walk around with until about 32 depending on her unique challenges but after that you can bet money the tale is shattered to pieces. I see them everywhere women chasing the perfect husband, the perfect house, the perfect career with the body & hair & outfits and the white picket fence.....why do we cling onto the fairytale ...

this brings me to having lost and found my own story about 79 times swinging between the fairytale and the icy cold realities of my daily routine and encounters. Those being hectic mornings where everybody is SO rushed we cannot find a brush, school ties or time to have a proper breakfast in peace, combined with traffic that looks like people are going on a mass exodus out the city, and fighting with your husband about the new puppies that chews cables and it's all my fault. Cherry on the cake of course is when your body starts with funny stuff like your skin breaking out at the age of 36 as if you are 14 (sit in a meeting with 10 other career obsessed males trying to look your age when this happens!) and then of course the story that has been talked about enough already YOUR SIZE - and how you are witness to your own changes silently in the mirror month on month that only you can see ...they are small but significant and a sign of time running out eventually ...

Yet I look at other women and I see them from the outside just coping fine - hair perfect, polite smiles, polite answers , no major shakes for the other sisters in my world...but then you sit them down and start a bit of chat and you see the story in Ballamore has a monster hiding away.....so far so deep ...

Well our new president looks like he has stuff under control so all we ladies have to do is sort our issues out, plan better like all the books say, make me time like all the books say, listen better like all the books say, love your body like all the books say.....

For those of you following the new "LOST" and I say new for SA (but maybe overseas it is about 2 series back from the newest "LOST" out) .....anyway watching it last night I said to my husband ..how many times can you watch the same dialog between people saying "you must go back to the island to save the people on the island"...response: "I do not want to go back to the island" - over and over - I am sick and tired of the dragged out suspense and frankly I am no longer in suspense because I have "LOST" the feeling for it - it is disconnected! So my comment is get with it and find yourself and your audience for fuck sake because we are now tired!

So I am currently testing SAP before it going live as a platform at my work - I have been dedicated to a team of people that has to test the system for 5 weeks - click ...click ...click and I tell you it is exciting man for a sales person that is use to being out in field doing real work this clicking shit can tick you over ...right over the edge in fact...but I will remain calm, carry my share of the load and get the job done like the good little cow in the herd that I am..

The winter has barged down door and all into my living room and smoking has become an issue in the cold - then I know the sister is here to stay....because all I want to do is eat and sit in front of a heater....anyway if one of those people from LOST asked me to go back to the island there will be no convincing to be done between the winter and sap testing I will take my odds on the island!

So I want to congratulate the BULLS for winning the SHARKS and wish them all the best for Saturday - that's all I have to say about that.....

Because life is not like a BOX of chocolates ......it is a fucking dark Forrest with monsters and dark places and wind constantly blowing in my face and making me loose my hairstyle which I still have not dealt with by the way...so let me go smoke in the cold catch up on emails and deal with my hair! Thank you for listening to all that I am and keep on looking for those moments of bliss!